Growing up in a Christian home, going to church, being a Preacher’s kid, never really changed the way I was. In fact, it had no bearing on the way I live my life. Being born into a Christian family doesn’t make you a Christian. A truth that many people don’t know. Here’s my story…
It was becoming increasingly hard to control me, I had no vision, no dreams. So my parents did what most Christian parents would do. Fished me out of the public school I was in and pushed me into a small Christian School, that I hated having to go to, right at the start of high school. I immediately hated it. I didn’t fit in. I was bullied and taunted and cast aside because I was really, really different. To make everything worse the one thing I was good at, academics, gave the people around me even more reason to hate me. I was even more lost than I was and I ended up doing some pretty dumb things. I couldn’t tell my parents, I was to afraid to tell the teachers, and I had no one to talk to.
Then came camp. I had never been allowed to go to camp since then and being Indian, I had NO IDEA how to eat with forks and knives and I had never been to a sleep over in my life. Just great. Let me tell you, I had the most miserable time I have ever had at any camp or trip, till date! Everyone was totally out to get me and make a mockery out of me. I walked around and I just wanted to disappear and not be seen. I was different because I came from a place of brokenness and hurt. I wasn’t pretty like the other girls, with their skinny figures, crop tops and smooth skin. I had thick thighs, I didn’t really have a fashion sense and I had hair, that at the time I wasn’t allowed to remove. I wasn’t worthy because I hadn’t grown up in an environment like this, like everybody around me, so how could God possibly love me? That is how I viewed myself. That since I wasn’t worthy be apart of people like this that, I should just distance myself from them and from their God that was supposedly the same God that my family worshiped.
This camp though, changed my entire life. Every night, after activities had ended we would gather as a big group and we would have a guest speaker bring us the Word of God. It was so different to what I had ever done before, people all my age coming together with bibles and notebooks to learn about God. I can’t remember the name of the speaker but the words he spoke pierced through my heart, and he spoke of sins that I had struggled with so much and for the first time, I saw God in a different way to what I had. He wasn’t distant anymore, he wasn’t this angry God out to get me. He was loving, kind, near and He was interested in me, even with all the bits of me that were totally out of place.
There was a call. For people who wanted to receive Jesus to stand up. I’m sure I was one of the first to stand up, I really didn’t care who saw me. And one by one the people around me did too. What followed was surreal, something I had never experienced before. It was all really emotional and overwhelming. Quiet singing, pierced the room overcast by sobs and broken hearts. And mine was one. A friend close by, prayed for me, and I felt this incredibly feeling. I couldn’t breathe, it just engulfed around me and got inside me and I wasn’t sure where I was at that moment and nothing made sense. Other than the fact that I had just accepted Jesus as my personal Savior and that he now lived in my heart.
My life has been changed by this man who loves me so much, with such a powerful love that I cannot be separated from, no matter what. He is Jesus, He is God, He is my Father above. He is my strength and my song, the one in who I put all my trust. Even though I have my struggles, and even though I am not perfect in anyway, there is a man above who makes me enough and I don’t have to care about what other people think because He makes me into the person that He wants me to be.
No amount of science, or facts or research can ever take away the feeling I felt that night, or all the things I have experience since that day. I went from being the Pastor’s kid who was a total rebel, that the whole school knew about, to leading the school as Head Girl. I experience God for myself, in my own encounter with Him. I have made it out of a pain that could have killed me. I have discovered His calling for me through the mission work that I do. I’m not saying all this to glorify my own name, but to glorify the name of the One who got me to where I am today and has made me the young woman I am today. Somethings can be proved by facts and science, but somethings you can’t believe until you feel it in your heart.