“…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “Phillippians 4:6-7.
Anxiety. Uncertainty. Fear of the Future. These are all words that over the past couple of months I have become familiar with. I never struggled with anxiety too much in the past. I had a little here and there, and maybe 1 or 2 panic attacks. But things are changing in my life, and I don’t take change very well. This has meant that I have completely no clue what the future holds, I have to wait on many things and the only thing that is sure is what I am going to do tomorrow. And even that is not 100%. Right now I could either write this blog, which was the intended purpose, or I could be lazy and go read a book. I could choose to go to my lectures tomorrow, or if I a get hungry, I can choose to eat out.
Of course there are bigger issues to life than attending lectures or reading books, like what will my career look like? Will I get married? Where will I live? What will my family be like? and other such big life questions, that as a young 20 year old I have to face up to. I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. But I do know the person who has counted the days in which these things will come to pass, and knows exactly where, when and if they will occur in my life. I have struggled lately with many such worries and anxieties, and at times it has gotten the better of me. I hate not knowing. I hate waiting. I have not being able to control what happens to me. But then I am humbled by God, and His greatness and vastness. He is all knowing, and all seeing and He knows the inmost desires of my heart. The more I delight in Him, the more my desires align to His, the more I can trust that each step I take is ordered by Him, through Him and for Him.
Now this is all well and good to say, but how can we practically learn to surrender and trust in the Lord. How can we learn to feed on His faithfulness in the barren and unfruitful seasons of our life, while we wait for him to prepare the ground and grow in us desires, that only such circumstances will bring about. One such way I came up with, was inspired by a coffeeandbibletimes video that I had seen recently, on the infamous verse on anxiety in Philippians 4. But this time I saw it in a different way.
She tells us a picture she had in her head of how peasants go to the king with their requests written down on scrolls, because only the king can do anything about it. Only He has the power and only He knows what is best for them. They are merely His servants, people of His kingdom. But the king’s palace is always open, and always welcomes the people of it’s kingdom with love. And once the peasants have left their requests with the king, who will do what he sees fit, they can leave with the peace of knowing that He knows best. It’s an exchange. Laying our requests down before Him, trusting that He knows what’s best and then leaving with the peace that surpasses understanding, without fear or anxiety.
So I came up with my own version of this, that has lifted so many burdens off my shoulder. I wrote a little letter to God with the thing that was worrying me, I made a little envelope and put the letter inside of it and taped it to the inside-back cover of my bible. I left it in the Lord’s hands to do what He sees fit and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I have the peace that surpasses all understanding, when I should be overcome by the immense responsibilities that lay ahead of me. And while the worry creeps back sometimes, I remember where my request is laying and I am comforted. I started out with just one thing that was worrying me. Then I thought of more things, and stuck those to the back as well. And now lay at the back of my bible, many envelopes containing my requests and desires before the Lord, to do with, what seems best to Him. I need not worry anymore.